If you get depressed, you have to decide whether or not you want to be happy or if you are content being unhappy. I’m not saying that I don’t get depressed. I do. Rather often. But I know that it’s my choice to stay down or pick myself up and move on. No one can do that for me.

 I have looked through a few self-help books. I don’t see how they are suposed to help. A book can’t help you only you can help you. I have a gym membership, that doesn’t mean I’m in great shape. Having the membership does nothing for me. I have to decide that I want to change and then I have to do it.

My friend missed a whole week of work because he would get himself so “worked up” that he could barely get out of bed. Rather than telling himself I can do this, it’s not that hard; he layed there saying I don’t know how I could ever do this, I can’t.

It’s all in what you tell yourself. You either can…or you can’t…You decide.

I literally grew up in the kitchen, as a baby I was set on the table or in my chair and tried to be of help to mom or grandma with what ever the days work was. I have since grown, moved and opened a bakery. The bread I bake is all from recipes that have formulated and now it is time I start writing my book.

A book of bread.

This is what I know.

I have seen a fair amount of books that have no meaning, just words on a page. I don’t want to be one of those books. I want to inspire people to learn the ways of their great grandmothers, grandmothers, and mothers. There is to much comercialization and trades are being lost. I want to teach people that home made breads are still possible and much better than the “wonderbread sponge” that gets sold today.

Its a fun time of year everyone bundles up in the evening to sit outside around the fire. We sip on hot tea made with the boiling sap, eat smores and tell stories. There is always a few people that stop in “I saw ya had the fire going, figured I’d better stop in and see how things were goin’.” A lot of the family lives rather close by and tend to stop in quite often.

I love this time of year it’s so relaxing and yet exciting. Dad usually has a stick that he carves notches into for every barrel we bring home.The cool fall air reminds me so much of the syrup-ing in the spring. It makes me miss home. I have yet to figure out why maple is thought of as a fall flavor and marketed with fall leaves, when the whole prosess is done in the spring?

Since then a few brothers sold out and followed the contract. All thats left is my father and one uncle. That farm is where the whole family goes hunting, we harvest sap from the sugar maples.  My father works year ’round on that farm he has bought all sorts of used farm equipment to tend the fields. We (my parents and siblings) have spent many days picking rock off the fields and tending the yard. Over all the years my father has been the unassigned caretaker of the land. 

Now my uncle Pat wants out. Him and his wife are on a “debt free living” kick, which is great. They were able to pay off everything except for a little lake cabin. Now they want to sell their half of the land to pay off their cabin. Great! (for them) My Aunt was drawing up the sales papers and is now seeming like she is going for market value rather than the original purchase agreement.

to be continued…hopefully with a happy ending and many more years on the farm.

He told me of how when he was going to college he was trying to work for money to pay for school. First he started a grocery business selling groceries to a few of the local business and he was doing “alright” at it. He had bought himself some new clothes and a hat. The college superintendant caught wind of what he was doing and told him he could no longer sell his groceries. Grandpa asked him why he wasn’t allowed to do this and the man told him he was looking to rich with his new clothes and the football players needed the money so they will be selling groceries from now on.

He “cooked up” a few more idea’s like this and was doing alright at them and they too were taken away the jobs given to the sports players.  One day he was called into the deans office and was made to explain the whole story. He explained how he thought of the “businesses” and was not breaking any rules by running them. The dean sided with him and called in the superintendant and told him that if [grandpa] was smart enough to think of these things than he should be aloud to do them. If you[superintendant] are not smart enough that’s no reason for you to take his jobs away from him.

After telling me this story he told me two things:

“Don’t appear to rich” -There is no need to boast what you have.

“Those that appear to have money don’t always have the money or the power they think they posses with it.”

on a long road

leading me no where

sending me somewhere

I’ve already been

a thousand times before.

Yet still

nothing

has a meaning

or a place.

All is over

I still can’t move

I’m stuck

in yesterday.

Tomorrow

has passed me by.

I really hate to doubt her that she says she’s homeless, that would be an awfull position to be in. If she truly does need a hand out I don’t want to be the one to deny her. At the same time when she pays for her coffee with a twenty dollar bill and has another in her hand its very hard to believe her and feel that I was previously taken advantage of. As before she was given coffee and breakfast for free.

I should feel happy that I did the right thing in thinking that I was helping someone in need but at the same time it’s hard to not be up set that someone could so easily decieve me. That her conscience let her do it more than once.  I try to help people as best I can but some times it’s quite hard because I start to wonder if they really need it or if I am just letting myself be taken advantage of.

There is an old man, (who I refer to as grandpa because I don’t actually to know his name) who comes to my shop a couple times a week. He’s 92 and walks slowly and carefully  with a walker. He lives only a block or two from the shop, but a trip to visit and back is long enough. It’s the same every time he comes, I open the door for him, he walks to his table, (the middle one in the first row) and I help him sit. He then tells me he only wants water “If you girls won’t charge me for coffee I don’t want it!”, I bring him coffee any way.  I then sit with him as he drinks his coffee. I have learned that my work can wait. We sit and talk about hunting, polka dancing and his trip to spain.

Over that cup of coffee no problems are solved and the conversation is never very deep, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Enjoying the company is what really counts.  Once he has had enough for one afternoon I help him up and he goes on his way.

The first time he came in I will admit I was rather irritated, “How does he expect me to have time to sit and chat when I have so much to do?!”  The next time he came in I realized my work can wait, coffee with grandpa was more important.

In looking back I wish I would have spent a lot more “coffee breaks” with my grandpa’s before they passed. There are a lot of stories I haven’t heard and alot of lessons I could have learned, if only I had realized my work can wait.

Every trip home I make I always make time for breakfast with grandma, we continue to write letters back and forth as we started when I first move away to college, and I save every one she sends.

Life these days goes so fast and there’s no sign of it slowing down we need to remember to take a “coffee break” every now and then. Life is too short to pass people by, take the time to listen, it won’t be a regret.

“It’s cold out, people are in the mood for it.” or “It’s something familier.” or “It’s just that kind of day”

Never do I hear, “You did a good job.” or “It looks great and thats why we sold out.”

Then it came to me one day in over hearing this co-worker speek to another and it summed it all up for me. She was talking to another and said “Anyone can make this” and basically telling her anyone can do what you do. It made me mad for her and for me. I knew at that time that that is what she ment all those time she gave me all those excuses.

Not everyone can do what I do and not everyone can do what she can do. If they could I would think they would. I try to use as many of my talents that I can as often as I can. Because not everyone can do it. I’m not trying to be concided but really it’s true. For example: everyone should be able to make a frozen pizza, I on the other hand can’t get one to turn out to save my life.

Don’t “dumb” down the job I do. I do it because I can if you think you can than do it!

I was not raised were predjudice was taught, it was very rarely that a snyde comment was made toward another group of people. It was always taken with a grain of salt. It has always been a frustration because of one the total “unfairness” of “equality” and that there is nothing I can do about it. Also that even though I admit this truth, I can’t change it and I have no adiquite exuse for it.

I do however believe the if we want true “equality” each race, religion, and every other “group” needs to let go of the things that they cling to and actually come together. I’m not saying everyone must be the same religion, keep your faith, in the end we will need whatever God we pray to. I’m not saying forget your harritage, keep your tradtions and remember the past.  What I’m saying is that the boarders that are made and the boundries that are kept need to come down and we need to look at it as “One nation, Under God” (what ever God you choose) and look through the color and see that we all bleed the same.

If there is a United Negro College Fund, that’s fine as long as there can be a United German College Fund and a United Mexican College Fund ect. Or just have a College Fund! If equal rights are what we have than it should be make EQUAL!

If the Native Americans want to take pride in there country that’s great! There are a few options to go with it. A sovern nation that’s fine but than make it a sovern nation it should be treated the same as Mexico and Canada, or do away with the sovern nation and join the rest of us in the U.S. pick up the trash and take pride in the country just the same as the rest of us!

Really it seems so simple, let go, join together and be “One Nation Under God”.